Having worked as a therapist for more than 12 years, I have noticed that people tend to seek talking therapy in a unique manner compared to how they approach other aspects of their health.
It is not uncommon for clients to express that we are their "last resort" when booking a session with us.
Below are some actual cases (names altered for confidentiality).
"Bloke's don't go to therapy!"
Take Mark, he sheepishly walked into my therapy room almost ten years ago. He had been struggling with anger and emotional regulation for most of his life. He was stressed and unhealthy. He had visited his GP, thrown himself into exercise, sought a personal trainer, read countless books on "masculinity," and yet he still struggled. After diligently trying all of these things, he had a chat with a business coach who was shrewd and compassionate enough to recognise that Mark's problems seemed to run deeper and suggested he seek some talking therapy. Mark wasn't keen, telling his coach "Bloke's don't go to therapy!" Luckily, he respected his coach to eventually listen and reached out to me. During those 10 years Mark has booked occasional sessions, which he views as mind maintenance. We helped him understand and regulate his emotions, identified a lack of confidence which has improved massively, worked on his professional career, relationship challenges, becoming a parent, and even the loss of one of his parents. Mark is thriving but knows that life can throw us a curve ball and so keeps a quarterly check in session.
"It must be my hormones"
Or consider Helen, a successful woman in her 40's who from the outside is thriving, a
great mum, marriage, career and home. Helen had it all! Except for as long as she could remember she has felt this has been a front she has to put on, internally she is chronically stressed which is impacting her digestion, sleep, weight and relationships. She has visited her GP more times than she can count, having multiple tests only for everything to be normal, good news, except Helen certainly did not feel normal. Desperate, she sought alternative help in the form of a naturopath, energy healer, chiropractor and more, many of whom suggested she may need to talk to someone. She spent a small fortune on supplements and followed experts on social media in the hope of identifying the source of her challenges and frequently told herself that it must be her hormones. Until eventually, in her words, "I have tried everything, my only option left is therapy". We began sessions and were quickly able to identify that she had been in a state of stress for most of her life, she was carrying childhood trauma and had incredibly low self esteem. We were able to put a plan together to address the trauma, boost her self esteem and even tackle her coping mechanism of emotional eating. After several months intense of work, Helen is no longer wearing a mask, she knows how to regulate her stress and she feels her marriage is getting a new lease of life, she has even lost weight!
"It's my burden to carry"
Finally, we have Glenn who came to me following a bereavement. Quickly into our sessions, it was apparent that whilst Glenn was grieving, this was not the real issue he was coming to me with. Glenn had struggled with his sexuality all his life and had never spoken about it with anyone, he felt it was his "burden to carry" and something he would never be able to be authentic about. When his loved one died, not only did it cause him pain but it gave him perspective that life could indeed be short, this was his impetus to finally try therapy, as a last resort, for resolving issues he had hidden for decades. During our sessions, Glenn found his voice, acceptance and a self love and appreciation he never dreamed possible. He has become a shining radiant version of himself who is living by his own rules.
Few of us would carry shame or stigma at seeking help for a physical health challenge yet, in my experience, the majority of us do when struggling with our mental health and therefore try to avoid addressing it.
In my view, everyone would benefit from good quality therapy, most of us have scars and wounds from our past that we may be afraid to address (one of my client's calls it his 'Pandoras box'). However, if you take that first step and seek out a good therapist they will act as your guide to help you peek into that box at a pace which you are comfortable with.
As I frequently tell new clients, I will not be shocked by what you tell me, I will not judge and I also will never agree with you when you tell me you are broken or need fixing.
One of the privileges of being a therapist is recognising that we all have sh*t to deal with. Everyone I know has a broken heart and a jumbled brain to some degree, some just hide it more than others.
Some final words I would love you to consider.
You are not broken.
You do not need fixing.
You are not beyond help.
You have not tried everything.
You are not a failure.
You are worthy.
If you need help and support, please reach out to us, even if you do not want to try therapy, we can at least signpost you to some resources that will help you right now.
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