For most of my life, I was surrounded by men who worked with their hands. Before I joined Beam, I was a carpenter, following a path well-trodden by the men in my family. Woodwork was in our blood, and I was good at it. As I moved up the ranks into more senior positions, my responsibilities grew longer hours, a heavier workload, and the relentless grind of the daily commute. I barely noticed the shift at first, but slowly, something started to change.
The more I poured into my work, the more my world outside of it shrank.
My social life became an afterthought. The hobbies I once loved started collecting dust. The friends I used to see every week became people I’d occasionally send a message to but never make plans with. At first, I told myself it was just life it was normal to be busy, to have less time for the things that once came easily. But the truth was, I was losing something I couldn’t quite put my finger on.
And then, one day, I realised: I had lost all of my friends.
The Slow Drift Into Isolation
I had a family I loved, but I still felt isolated. Something was missing.
At work, I felt a growing sense of resentment not towards the job itself, but towards the people I spent most of my waking hours with. They weren’t the kind of people who made me feel supported, inspired, or challenged in a positive way. The saying goes, “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” And when I looked around, I knew I didn’t want to become like them.
But I also didn’t know what to do about it.
I wasn’t about to quit my job I had a family to support. I wasn’t going to magically regain all the friendships I had neglected overnight. But I knew something had to change.
The Power of New Role Models
I had always been into podcasts. Long before I even knew what personal development was, I enjoyed listening to stories, interviews, and ideas that made me think.
I started paying more attention to the voices I let into my head. I couldn’t change my work environment overnight, but I could change what I consumed. I could be more intentional about who I listened to, whose advice I followed, and who I allowed to shape my thinking.
Luckily, I had a three-hour commute every day three hours to dive into long-form conversations from people like Tim Ferriss and Freakonomics. These weren’t just background noise; they became my mentors, my unofficial role models. The more I listened, the more my perspective shifted. I started to care about personal growth in a way I never had before.
I realized that the friendships I had lost weren’t just about time or distance. They were about alignment. I had been changing without even realising it, and the people around me no longer fit where I was heading.
Finding a New Tribe
Losing my friends wasn’t just about losing them it was about losing the version of myself that once fit into that world. And in a strange way, that loss was necessary.
As I grew, I started attracting new connections people who valued the same things I did, who were on a similar journey. I leaned into personal development, which eventually led me to Beam, where I could use my experience to help other men navigate their own challenges.
If you’re reading this and you feel like you’re drifting away from the people you once called friends, know this: it’s okay. Growth often means leaving behind what no longer serves you. It doesn’t mean you’ll be alone forever it means you’re making space for the people who truly align with who you’re becoming.
Who Are You Surrounding Yourself With?
Take a moment to reflect:
• Who are the five people you spend the most time with?
• Do they inspire, challenge, and support you?
• If not, who should you be listening to, learning from, and surrounding yourself with?
The people we allow into our lives shape who we become. Choose wisely.
Rebuilding Your Circles: Finding Your People Again
If my story resonates with you if you’re feeling disconnected, like you’ve lost your support network or outgrown the people around you you’re not alone. Many men reach a point where they realise the friendships they once had no longer fit the person they’re becoming.
That’s why I created Rebuilding Your Circles, a coaching programme designed to help men like you navigate this transition. It’s about understanding the natural shifts in friendships, learning how to reconnect with others in a meaningful way, and building a strong, supportive circle that aligns with who you are today.
You don’t have to do this alone. If you’re ready to take the next step in rebuilding your connections and creating the kind of friendships that uplift and support you, let’s talk.
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